Thoughts without a Thinker

‘Self 5 (why me?)’
Wet on wet Watercolour.
26 x 33cm
© The Artist.

I was pretty upset here… the puddles of granulating pigment floating & eddying on the page like tears…i’m not being very flattering to myself am i? But that’s how i felt when I painted it. Indeed painting it was a way of dealing with the upset I was feeling.

detail

This wet on wet watercolour seemed to emerge out of the wet swirling puddles . As I spent time painting & being alone in the studio.. alone also in the sense that I no longer cared about you or another other person might think…alone with my upset state of mind.

I appreciate the wisdom here ab out not identifying with a passing state of mind :

Because of our craving, the Buddha is saying, we want things to be understandable. We reduce, concretize, or substantialize experiences or feelings, which are, in their very nature, fleeting or evanescent. In so doing, we define ourselves by our moods and by our thoughts. We do not just let ourselves be happy or sad, for instance; we must become a happy person or a sad one. This is the chronic tendency of the ignorant or deluded mind, to make ‘things’ out of that which is no thing. Seeing craving shatters this predisposition; it becomes preposterous to try to see substance where there is none. The materials out of which we construct our identities become useless and broken when the ridgepole of ignorance is shattered… – Thoughts without a Thinker – MARK EPSTEIN, M.D.